The White Socks and Shiny Black Shoe Argument

There's an obvious stench in this library, or should I say learning facilitation centre. It's putrid, yet stale. Sickly like saccharin or three million Greggs' yum-yums. It's hundreds of souls dying at the same time as they scream out in a unified din, signifying the passing of lives to the underworld. It's a sobbing widow at the grave side of a rotting giraffe.

Harrowing scenes but not an over-statement as indeed, in this world, there is no crime greater than wearing white socks and shiny black shoes. People are visibly recoiling as this man sits, plain as day flaunting this war-crime in the faces of passing traffic in the foyer of the library. I currently sit across from him, constantly being tripped over and generally ignored as people hurl themselves out of the way in order to avoid his vicinity. Like Swine Flu, this is very much contagious. As he reclines, oh so comfortably in his chair we, the people, are left to pick up the pieces of this fashion catastrophe. So much more than a faux pas, this is a public fashion autopsy.

Now, giant and hideously unfair hyperbole aside, seeing this guy and people actually laughing at him as they pass has got me to thinking about just exactly what constitutes fashion and why many of us are so obsessed with looking different that we forget just exactly how much we look like everyone else.

Glasgow Caledonian is fairly awful for it, in fact. So much of what I see before me today is almost identical to the last coat, the last scarf and the last pair of boots that I've seen. I'm not pretending to be some enlightened social commentator, merely a twat with no strong feelings but a love of a cheap dig: however I can see it around me. I've seen the same red duffel coat, in varying sizes, almost ten times now. I've been sitting here for half an hour.

This gent across from me, this dandy, this demolition man of the accepted trend is fast becoming my hero. Aside from the socks and the shoes, he's dressed very well. I'm tempted to ask where he bought his jacket- I won't, but I'm tempted. I bet the socks are deliberate. He looks different to 90% of the people in this building this morning. In a very real way, he stands out against a crowd adorned in H&M, Topshop/man, Primark and sportswear.

He speaks to me, not literally of course but the fact that people mock his choice of footwear shows me something. It shows me that we're all terrified of looking different to everyone else, of standing out against the crowd and leaving ourselves open for mockery and derision. That's why we see fashions as a safety net. We buy different shoes to each other, but only in colour. We buy different jackets, but with slightly different cuts. But no, this modern dandy has said "Enough. I don't care what you think of me. I will dress as I please and I will look good doing it." Well done, sir. I salute you. Not literally though, I'm in a library. I'll look ridiculous.