This is the blog I'm not going to write about Nick Griffin's appearance on Question Time last night. Why am I not writing a blog about him? Well, there's a number of reasons that I'm not but the first is that I find him more disturbing than a gas-mask wearing, six-foot tall wasp trying to sell me double glazing.
Not that that's ever happened, of course.
It just so happens that I've written three beginnings for different blogs in an attempt to come up with something that would amuse the thronging masses of people who are just itching to find out what kind of trivial nonsense I've been up to. They were all god-awful, I assure you of that. I even put it out on Twitter that I needed something to blog about. I got a mixed bag to say the least.
I was asked to plug a website (sign-up code 'SU18') (there you go, Helen- don't say I'm not good to you), told I should talk about how I have nothing to talk about and also, potentially my favourite I was sent an image from Perez Hilton's blog which you can see here.
Now forgive my sins but I have no interest in anything Perez Hilton has to say about the world we live in so I decided I'd avoid actually following up the blog post. However, I would love to bring the facial hair debate to the fore (there's too many "real" issues for it to get into the Commons).
For years facial hair has been seen as a massive symbol of extrovert masculinity. A calling card that says "Yes, I'm virile." and the idea of a man with poor facial hair suggests that he would be unable to please himself, let alone his chosen partner.
I have to say, I kind of understand this notion. Although, I have to question the logic of a person who would grow half a beard. If I was doing it myself I'd cut my hair on one side as well in order to allow me to be a completely more respectable, erudite and sensible person on one side: like Two Face from Batman but less mental and more like this (oh, shit. No... THIS) It would definitely help when going for job interviews as long as it's possible to face only one way and not terrify your interviewer with your insane "crab-walk".
I suppose if you were going for a job as a mountain man you'd be better off having a full beard and looking like you're an angry, bellowing furball with no concept of civilisation. Not sure entirely how the interview process for that would go. I'm quite sure there would be some form of management hierarchy in the mountain man business. No sense in having more than one mountain man per mountain. It's all about efficiency these days. There's a recession, don't you know.
Anyway, I digress to the point where I had to scroll back through the post to check what my original point was.
I honestly believe that the ability to grow an exceptional beard is definitely an impressive thing. My good friend and colleague at Radio Caley, Mr Scott McCubbin has recently premiered his new and unbelievably fast-growing goatee which I have a sneaking suspicion is hiding some sort of angry alien growth which is hellbent on world domination. This led me to trial a little facial hair growth of my own. Let me tell you, I think questions have to be asked about my masculinity.
Something you have to understand about me, and can probably see from my display picture is that I have really thick hair which grows exceptionally quickly. I'm sure there's some sort of biological reason for why this wouldn't apply to my face but I can assure you that after a week and looking like a well-used bit of astro-turf, I decided to shave. Not least because it was beginning to go ginger.
I realise that this post has no general use except to be a strange stream of consciousness regarding my own perceived inadequacies and I'm quite sure if I was a more insightful human being I'd be able to apply the idea of the growth of facial hair to a more sociological need for men to feel masculine and to give them the genuine feeling that they could take down a tiger armed with a stick and a pineapple. However, we realise that this is about as close to that feeling as most will get and the closest any of us will get to that is throwing rotten fruit at the morally reprehensible scum of the BNP (see what I completely failed to do there?).
So, facial hair is the ultimate status symbol of overt masculinity in a society which is completely obsessed with appearances. I still feel quite masculine despite not being gloriously bearded. Even then, I'm delighted to say that I don't look anything like this prick.
I win Gibson, you twat.
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